for those of you that i only call for “important” matters, i am proud to announce that i recently purchased (leased?) an apartme… i mean, movie called “7 lucky ninja kids” for $1.00 at a $.99 store and am almost too confident it will be the greatest. movie. ever.

i’ve decided to get certified to become a teacher and teach english to inner-city kids.

(here, in its entirety, i will display an open letter i wrote to the creators of the new british show “make me a mum”)

yesterday, I read (or was forced to read) an article that was about the latest Police Academy sequel, and I am frustratingly ecstatic!

i’m posting this from a creepy russian internet cafe in coney island.

a comedy central intern

recently, i’ve discovered that nicole kidman is having trouble finding male suitors.

so i’m moving to l.a. and being a raw, young talent it seems inevitable that all the crazy hollywood cults are going to be coming after me.

i have decided that my new hero is legend-in-the-making milton bradley.

how to recognize an m. night shyamalan cameo in an m. night shyamalan movie: