i have decided that my new hero is legend-in-the-making milton bradley.

let’s just get this out of the way—milton bradley is the center-fielder/left-fielder for my beloved los angeles dodgers. this concise and beautifully-written essay has nothing to do with the famed founder of a company that is responsible for the creation of the many wonderful games i’m sure i’d spend all day talking about if i wasn’t so busy going to dodgers games.

milton bradley is this, or my, generation’s harry truman… a stand-up guy with a heart of gold and an uncanny ability to lead. he (milton bradley) denies charles barkley’s declaration that “i [milton bradley] am not a role model” and is overflowing with so many admirable qualities that it’s impossible to pretend you don’t want to be him (milton bradley).

okay… so maybe people have used some unfair words to describe him (milton bradley). i think the exact word was “temperamental.” okay… maybe he (milton bradley) likes to fight with umpires and ruin baseball games, but denying authority makes him a rebel with a cause. a cause that involves baseball somehow!

i’ve kind of already begun basing my life on his (milton bradley’s) actions. i read an article dated june 23—just weeks ago!—that said that bradley (milton bradley) couldn’t play against san francisco because of stiffness in his (milton bradley’s) right shoulder. i have stiffness in my right shoulder! and i had it on june 22-24, too, probably!

sure, this humble writer has never played center-fielder for the dodgers… or any team in the national league western conference for that matter, but that doesn’t mean that we (milton bradley and i) don’t have sooooo much more in common!

here are his (milton bradley’s) key stats for this season (accuracy pending):

avg: .283

runs: 48

hits: 382

HRs: 35

RBIs: 177