a few days ago, i discovered that nicole kidman was having trouble finding male suitors. this was, of course, music to my ears, and i decided there should be no delay in our courtship.

below, i’ve decided to share the pros and cons of my inevitable relationship with nicole kidman.

pro: she would propel my writing career.
con: i would have to be well-behaved.

pro: she would probably have a hot tub, therefore i would have one.
con: i would get lost in my thoughts.

pro: nicole kidman has money.
con: nicole kidman has kids.

pro: she was married to tom cruise.
con: of course, i would need his permission.

pro: i love her.
con: well, not really. i mean, only as much as i would have to.