i’ll be honest with you guys. a couple days ago i was really struggling- i had just seen Mr. 3000, and it really touched me at the core of my soul. it had me questioning all sorts of things that i had taken for granted (like my pro baseball career).

so just last night, i had parked my car in the sack n’ save lot and was lying on my front hood staring at the stars when my old pal joey called. apparently things in the city of angels are getting a bit slow, and they needed someone to shake things up at the bloop offices. someone with an opinion that isn’t tainted by hollywood’s glamourous glow or the “writing aides” that seem to flow so freely around bloop headquarters.

suddenly my life made sense again. i had a purpose. while the liberal pussies at bloop might be soaking up the sun on the california beaches or attending one of those legendary all-night coke parties in the hollywood hills, i’ll be hard at work giving you a red stater’s perspective on world events; breaking open stories the mass-media won’t touch, telling it like it is.

at least until i get an invite to one of those all-night coke parties.