i’ve never been the most honest person. i’ve told my share of lies, twisted my share of truths, been unfaithful a bunch of times, backstabbed, plagiarized some of your best work, doctored a document or two, forged some signatures, planted some evidence, false advertised, told some whoppers, told some tall tales, slandered and libeled, committed perjury, misrepresented myself, said “i really mean it” and didn’t, broken too many promises to count on a butcher’s fingers, and just plain ol’ fibbed, but i’m being completely truthful when i say…

I HAVE TOMKAT FEVER!