as far as comedy is concerned, i pretty much live on the outskirts of “the know,” so that means i’m the only one here who’s going to get why this joke is so funny, even though it’s been edited for children and the elderly.

anyway:

a family walks into a talent agency. it’s a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. the father says to the talent agent, “we have a really amazing act. you should represent us.”

the agent says, “sorry, i don’t represent family acts. they’re a little too cute.”

the mother says, “sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us.”

the agent says, “ok. ok. i’ll take a look.”

they all jump on the table and start ******* out of their *****. the agent asks, “what is going on with all of this ******* out of your *****?”

the father responds, “one second, i’m ******. let me ****** first, and then we’ll talk.”

the dog ****** while the mother *******, and the father just watches. oh, yeah, ********. the mother goes into labor and gives birth to a fourteen pound baby boy. they name him ***** because he’s as **** as a ***** in ******, right? the daughter loses her balance because she’s so focused on her ****** and falls on her neck. ******* goes everywhere, and she’s completely paralyzed.

“hide the body! now!” the father screams at the agent.

“but she’s still alive!” the agent shouts back.

the father ****** as hard as he can, and, in an instant, she’s dead. “not anymore,” he says a little too calmly and resumes *************.

the mother grabs a letter opener and cuts the father’s ******** right in half. the dog gives him a quick high-five, and they all quickly get back into the groove of ****** until the son impales himself on a paperweight.

“hide that body, too!” the father yells. “up your *****!” everyone resumes ******* like no one has ever ********** before.

this goes on for hours, days even, with every living member of the family’s ***** getting more and more in sync. the mother and baby have just died of complications from giving birth, so now it’s only the father, who’s already bled out, doing ***** with the dog.

the father suddenly breaks the dog in half with nothing more than his *******, stops *********, turns to the agent and says, “thank you for giving us a shot, ace. in case you were wondering, i also manage and do all the booking. you know, the business end of it as well as the creative side.”

for the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. finally, he manages, “that’s a hell of an act. what do you call it?”

and the father says, “the aristocrats!”

that’s the joke. if you don’t like it, there’s a picture of me as a cat on my other website.