byron cole (stole your lunch money, then said, “keep the change”): busboy at bennagin’s. current romantic interest is wendy, the manager’s seventeen year-old daughter who occasionally flirts with him.

is pretty awkward.

(the first in a lengthy series of my job-related misadventures)

talkative barbers
“cat” people
...

dear party,
where you at?

signed,
the undersigned

i’m gonna be honest here. i HATE giving back rubs. i HATE it.

i should join a cult.

i don’t get it. i’m a nice guy. i treat women and pretty men with respect. so, why do the cashiers at the grocery store have to be so condescending when they tell me how much money i’ve saved by using my club card? i already know it saves me money. [...]

for the past four years, i’ve been happily filling out surveys given to me on the streets of los angeles.

im thinking about getting a tattoo of a banjo on my left bicep.