over the last few months, i’ve grown a couple moustaches, with varying degrees of success. they’ve been described with the following names:

the adam morrison
the adam morrison II
the “you should stay away from children with that moustache”
the mexican
the snoopy’s uncle
the “i didn’t even notice”
the bruno kirby (i’m the only person who uses this one)

and most [...]

whoa. what a crazy four and half months. for those bloopsters that aren’t “in the know,” i’ve been locked up in a texas state penitentiary since early january.

due to on-going legal stipulations i can’t really explain why, but take this advice: “officer bitch” is probably not the best way to address a lady of [...]

“guest bloggers” is a regular series featuring short essays from our famous friends.

you know bloop is in trouble when they bring in a jew! jew jew jewdy joo jew jews! seriously though, these kids have a great site they’ve put together here, it really is an honor to work with them. i [...]

since text books are written by RICH WHITE MALES with a vested interest in the STATUS QUO, there’s all kinds of stuff they don’t teach you in american history class. well i’m here to blow the lid off this shit:

so, like the title says, rob schneider’s e-mail was hacked recently, and, even though everyone thinks he did it on purpose to promote his new movie, i think god did it so that i could laugh really hard for a really long time. here are two of my favorites for right now:

Date: Mon, 12 [...]

hey singer/songwriters,

hey, that’s a really nice sweater! anyway, i’m just writing you guys with a really funny idea i had: maybe you should do an ironic cover version of a really ridiculous and profane rap song (possibly from the early/mid 90’s, but that’s your call) and sing it really earnestly. it would [...]

well, it’s tax time, that annual ritual where we part with our hard-earned blood money to keep america running at peak efficiency! it may seem like everyone loves to hate tax season, but quite a few folks just plain love it:

we’re making some changes here and some stuff might be broken. you might need to update the url for our feed. also, you should wear green more often. you look really good. seriously.

them to make sure i’m dead

the harlem globetrotters to give my eulogy, stating that i was the greatest opponent they had ever faced

to be roasted by some of the assholes from the friars club

a stealth bomber to fly over my grave

nickelback to perform “how you remind me”

the police to catch the guy who did it

good [...]