look, there’s been a lot of talk lately and i would just like to take a few minutes to dispel some of the rumors that have been flying around about me:

i never toured with the eagles
i was, however, the bassist of a local group that opened for them at a 1973 show in phoenix.

i cannot drink a gallon of milk in under an hour
(getting closer though)

i never wore the same shirt every day for a year
i’m not really sure how this one got started, but believe me there isn’t an ounce of truth to it.

i was not “paul” on the wonder years
but i was a huge fan of the show.

billie jean is not my lover
and obviously, the kid is not my son.