i don’t like the word “aloha.” in case you haven’t heard it a million times, aloha can mean both hello and goodbye. that has to be confusing, to have two opposing words come together like that. what i hate most is blah, blah, blah…

here’s a typical scenario:

vince is throwing a hawaiian-themed party [...]

from now on, when a guy has a boner for george clooney, it shall be called a “clooner.”

daniel thompson knocks on the door. he hears his boss, mr. prell…

happy new years, peter!

christmas was great this year! i gave nothing and got so much in return!

everyone’s invited to my new years ‘06 party! so, to get some buzz going, here are some testimonials from my big millennium bash a few years back! i’ll post more as the new year approaches:

may 5, 2005
my journey begins in the city of miracles—hollywood, ca. bags in both hands, i’m standing on the corner of hopes and dreams. lots of people are here trying to wave down taxis. the cabs aren’t stopping for them, but for some reason i don’t have any problems getting one. [...]

the setup: there are three guys in this scene: billy, james, and dave. they’re basically interchangeable characters, but james is the one who just broke up with his girlfriend. as you’ll see, all three guys have a lot to learn about the opposite sex…

dear tony roma’s management,

this is my two weeks notice, approximately. my last day should be sunday, december 18.

i’m sorry we have to part ways and i wish you the best of luck in the future, but i’m not going to cut my hair for anyone.

sincerely,
anthony thompson

dear diary,

a while ago, this hollywood bigshot named merv griffin came into my office with an idea for a tv show called “what’s the question?”. it was your typical quiz show, except the questions would be worded as answers and the answers as questions. make sense? anyway, at the time, i didn’t [...]