omg that emily roze movie lookz soooo scurrrrry is it i can’t watch f it is! 0:) lol guyz i wood freekout f i had an exorsist n me!

it seems like every time i begin to question whether or not i want to be a tv writer, the drew carey show is always right there to extinguish those blue flames of doubt.

wow, who did lisa hart carroll have to sleep with to be in terms of endearment?

the following is an excerpt from a bit i did while on tour from ‘98 to ‘02:

“you know what i don’t get? have you guys seen this new sacagawea coin they’ve just come out with? i mean, come on! what is this!?!? were the indians ever known for being good with [...]

as far as comedy is concerned, i pretty much live on the outskirts of “the know,” so that means i’m the only one here who’s going to get why this joke is so funny, even though it’s been edited for children and the elderly.

anyway:

a family walks into a talent agency. it’s [...]

late last night, i was fortunate enough to be able to sit down and have an “im chat” with j.k. rowling, who was still reeling from the success of her new release, “that harry potter book.”

as i was walking home (or, as i like to call it, “driving with my legs”), i saw that semi-famous/infamous wrestler, chyna. it may have just been my inablility (i should probably get rid of “infamous” now that i’ve used “inability”) to differentiate between reality and fantasy, but i’m pretty sure she pulled down [...]

i’ve been having the time of my life! camp was fun; i’ll probably go back next summer (if they’ll take me back!). i lost fifty pounds, but whatever. the point was to have fun, and i did. SO MUCH FUN! we slept indoors and told stories by the fire [...]

my new official nickname is:
anthony “i have a 12:30 appointment with mr.” thompson.

i’ve never been the most honest person.