already too self-conscious
didn’t really “get” lord of the rings
does FUBU make dwarf-sized clothes?
waaaaaaay too tall

the san diego zoo (if i were a millionaire!)
burbank, ca (but just to visit)
bethesda, maryland (with nancy reagan)
shark-infested waters
chocolate city, usa
heaven (but just to visit)
the bathroom
topical
political
one more

“this foxworthy guy’s pretty funny. he should be a comedian.”
“hey, idiot, the answer’s 200!”
“bill clinton was a good president.”

soylent green tea
gin & tombstone
gatoNRAde
the tab commandments
the omegarmeister
michael moore’s blood

since text books are written by RICH WHITE MALES with a vested interest in the STATUS QUO, there’s all kinds of stuff they don’t teach you in american history class. well i’m here to blow the lid off this shit:

well, it’s tax time, that annual ritual where we part with our hard-earned blood money to keep america running at peak efficiency! it may seem like everyone loves to hate tax season, but quite a few folks just plain love it:

them to make sure i’m dead

the harlem globetrotters to give my eulogy, stating that i was the greatest opponent they had ever faced

to be roasted by some of the assholes from the friars club

a stealth bomber to fly over my grave

nickelback to perform “how you remind me”

the police to catch the guy who did it

good [...]

while looking up the start time for the big usa vs mexico game on espn.com, i noticed that espn classics has a series where, well, this…

“Top 5 Reasons You Can’t Blame Bill Buckner For Red Sox Losing The 1986 World Series”

i think my list is probably better:

“my daughter used to sell drugs, and now she sells cookies.”

“my daughter used to sell cookies, and now she’s out selling drugs while i’m stuck here selling her cookies.”

“my daughter used the money she got for girl scout cookies to buy all sorts of drugs.”

“my daughter sells cookies and drugs; would you like to buy [...]

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