come november, as i did in ‘04, i will be throwing my (pittsburgh) pirates hat into the ring and running for president of the united states. now, be aware, the only reason i’m running is to draw attention to some issues that i believe are important (and to discuss my personal problems with the [...]

john: i’ve decided to change my name. john wilkes booth has been causing me so many problems.
harvey: it could be difficult being named after a guy who assassinated a president, i guess.
john: yeah.
harvey: what are you going to change it to?
john: lincoln.
harvey: you’re gonna be john lincoln?
john: [...]

talkative barbers
“cat” people
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i was poking around in the attic the other and boy i was i surprised to find a whole box full of my old journals! i stumbled upon this gem of an entry from 1998 and decided to share it:

so, deep throat’s revelation (wake up, history buffs!) was probably the most anticlimactic thing to ever happen.

jackie kennedy: in the backseat of a lincoln continental limousine, trying to remember what gets brains out of a wool suit. club soda?

america, i know you’re ready. ready for what? maybe you should take another look at the title, american’t remember what you read 5 seconds ago.

WHICH democratic presidential never-was recently killed a homeless man in a drunken hit-and-run?